In light of All’s Fair in Love and Lingerie’s post, I wanted to post some additional information about my point of view in regards to whether or not women behind should post their faces. Before I begin, I would like to make extremely clear that there is no expectation of what people should do and that I support anyone sharing whatever they want to share. No one has to post anything they don’t want to, including their faces.
Now that that’s out of the way:
My comments have never been an attack on girls who choose not to show their faces (in fact, I know why most women choose not to show their faces), so I’ll be upfront and say that there’s no need to be defensive. Show what you want, how much you want, when you want. The issue at hand, and what spurned the initial discussion, has always been the lack of diversity in print and online media and its blurred lines*.
Frankly speaking, the intent behind this discussion stems from the slim white girl narrative that is ever so prevalent, and I’m tired of it being shoved down my throat. I find it completely unrelatable, and it has literally nothing to do with me: I am not white, and I am not slim (I wear a US 10/12, weigh about 155-160 pounds). I am constantly bombarded by images of slim white women every day. Every. Single. Day. If I choose to disassociate with images of slim white women with faces, why would I actively partake of images without them? (*This bring up another point that I don’t have the time or energy or discuss, but if I were to only show images from my neck down, how am I presenting myself? Would people know that I am Asian?)
For me, not showing a face removes a personal identifier that sets someone apart from another. I understand that some women may deliberately seek anonymity, and if you want to remain anonymous, I support your decision 100%.
I already know what lingerie I like. I also know that you can NEVER gauge or understand fit or sizing from a photograph, so for me, what keeps me around the community are the close friendships and connections I’ve made (yes, even with slim white women who completely get where I’m coming from; I love you all so much!) and hope to make in the future. This might not be the same for everyone, and I don’t expect my beliefs and personal experiences to dictate others’.
I was extremely apprehensive about posting my face online. However, as a woman of color who has a desk job and is in her 30s who is probably one of the most adultingest adults in the blogopshere, I wanted to represent who I really am. Is it a risk? Yes, but the consequences for me aren’t as grave as others. Do I still get weirded out by creeps? Yep. Do I actively tell people about my blog? Nope nope nope. Have I dealt with judgment about posting pictures of myself in ~provocatively clothing~? Hell yes. Choosing to show your face, part of your face, or your elbow is a decision that each person needs to make. I am not better for showing mine.
I’m at the point in my life where I can say that I like myself, including the Asian part of me that I loathed for years. I want people to know that I am not white and that I have thoughts and feelings that are equally important. I want people to know that without a doubt, I proudly AM a woman of color. This time, with no shame or apologies.
Please don’t message/tweet/contact me saying how I don’t support women and how dare I suggest that women must show their faces. This is the furthest thing from the truth. You do you; I support you 100%.
PS – Megan & I have talked (and still talk!), so there is no secret dramafest going on. I value her contributions to the lingerie blogging scene, and she makes the cutest underwear. Plus, I’m grateful for her suggestion and tips on buying the right size Fortnight bra. ;)