Why Deprecate?

I really appreciate the body positivity in the lingerie community, but I’ve noticed one incredibly disheartening thing that seems to be somewhat commonplace: how people positively hate or shame their own bodies. I’m not sure how or why this happens, especially when so many people ensure that their blogs/accounts/etc. are safe spaces.

I took a break from reading or writing about lingerie for awhile because this seriously started messing with my head. I gained a significant amount of weight during the holidays (my clothes no longer fit me properly), and it’s taken me months to get back into the right mindset and attitude. For the longest time, I thought that I wasn’t worthy to wear any of the lingerie I bought because my body wasn’t good enough. Pair this mentality with all the gorgeous gals online denigrating and eviscerating their bodies, I was *done*.

I’m not conventional: I’m Asian, short and a bit stocky with incredibly broad shoulders and a pretty large ass. I don’t fit the mold. Even when I was a size 4, you know the pants I bought in Asia were tagged XXL? There are many, MANY times where I wished that I could be taller, slimmer or have blonde hair and light eyes. Life felt like it would be easier.

But this is the hand I’ve been dealt and at the end of the day, I’m honestly NOT unhappy with myself. I eat well; I work out. Yes, there could be a bit more tightness here, and I wish that some parts weren’t as lumpy, but I don’t suck. I don’t have a shitty body, and even if I’m not a size 6 anymore, I’m still pretty okay.

As women, we are constantly under scrutiny. Why is it that we can’t be kind to ourselves?

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4 comments
  1. I think seeing someone hate on herself publicly can be really, really painful– I definitely try to stay out of anyone who puts that out there (especially someone who falls within the traditional core size range) because I just cannot have that doesn’t see how that kind of toxicity can affect others. I also gained a bunch of weight over the winter because I was totally sedentary and I know how that messes with your head. Sometimes stepping out is the best plan!

    • Thanks for the comment! (Been a huge fan of yours for awhile and have missed your posts!!)

      I’ve thought about this a lot, and I really do think that people who do this inadvertently perpetuate what women should look like. All of a sudden, it isn’t the “media” pushing what should be attractive, but rather, other women. I’m not sure why or how this ended up being so widespread… Sometimes, social media seems to be far more damaging than ever due to its reach.

  2. Don’t know WHY comments on your previous post are closed but that Sailor Moon outfit looks SO AWESOME on you!!

    On this topic, I find it hard to remain positive and the comments I read also affect my self-perception, though I try hard not to let them. I know we all have our insecurities, but seeing someone hate on a body that I would prefer over my own on bad days just messes with my head. I feel ya. I also find it very interesting that people feel entitled to comment on my body if I have lost weight and they think they are complementing me. In many ways “you lost weight, you look great!” is a backhand slap that I didn’t look great before because I weighed too much. Am I being too morbid here? Self love is hard many days, but I appreciate the community of bloggers I have found who practice it. :-)

    • Hey, babe, apologies for the response! I’ve been a bit behind, and unfortunately, this blog gets neglected more than I’d like.

      Thanks for the positive feedback on the Sailor Venus lingerie set! I automatically have my comments turn off after 2 weeks as to cut back on the spam. :)

      At times, when I see the body comparison get out of control, I just remove myself from it. I honestly can’t handle it anymore. I took a long hiatus here because the entire “I hate my body blah blah blah” talk was just spiraling into a huge mess. As much as I hate the backhanded compliments, too, I think most people are a bit… insensitive when it comes to paying a true compliment. I mean, we unfortunately live in a society where catcalling is somehow a compliment!

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